Remembering Mamaw Bowling At Christmas

Christmas was forever changed for our family four years ago.

It was about 3:00 on the morning of Christmas Eve when the phone call jarred us from our sleep. Linda's mother had fallen to the floor of their bedroom at their Greenup County, KY home along the banks of the Little Sandy River. Apparently the victim of a stroke, Mamaw had hit her head in the fall and was not communicating well with Papaw or the neighbors he had called for assistance. An ambulance had been called and we were to meet them at Our Lady of Bellefonte Hospital in Russell.

Thousands of thoughts run through your mind at a time like that. It's hard to clear your head when wakened from your deepest sleep. Phone calls at 3:00 AM are NEVER routine, so you know it's not going to be good news that yanks you to consciousness. We didn't talk much as we rushed through washing our faces, trying to comb the "bed head" out of our hair, jumping into clothes and scraping the windshield as the car warmed up. Conversation was sparse on the way to the hospital. Linda was very close to her mother (of course) and was obviously concerned for her well being, and that of her dad as well. Although together, both of us were alone in our thoughts.

Orpha Smith Bowling was a wonderful lady who understood and practiced the simple, nearly lost art, of friendship. She always practiced "The Golden Rule" and was a genuine blessing to those who knew her. She was the finest mother in law a guy could ever have. Although her eyesight was dim, she had a sharp wit and a ready smile. The sound of laughter was always heard when she was in the house. Her life had not been an easy one, but she loved life and she dearly loved her children, their spouses, her twelve grandchildren, and all of the great grandchildren. For my 32 years as her son in law, she treated me with the love and kindness that made me feel more like a blood relative than one by marriage.

In recent years her health had begun to fail. Several laser surgeries on her eyes only temporarily postponed her eventual slippage into legal blindness. She had surgery several years before to try to correct a crippling problem in her feet, and she walked with a cane until the morning in October, 2002 when she fell in McDonalds parking lot and broke her hip. From that point on she was either confined to a wheel chair or ambulated with a walker. The problems she was having were not unusual for an octogenarian, but we were hardly prepared for what happened that Christmas Eve.

Linda had become somewhat of a caregiver for her mother during those last couple of years. Burgess and Orpha lived alone and were fairly independent, but the loss of her eyesight and her broken hip created the need for someone to help them with their business, doctors appointments, etc. I often joked that while Burgess had worked hard and provided well for his family, he had never had to worry about any of the details, because Mamaw took care of them all. During those last few years, they enjoyed his retirement, and even though much time was spent in doctor's offices, they also spent a lot of time visiting friends, taking drives, going to flea markets, and stopping by our house several times a week. Unable to read the paper and the television listings, Mamaw would call Linda every evening to find out "what good movies" were going to be on TV that night. She especially loved Christmas movies and had just watched (or basically listened to) a couple of good ones on her last night.

When we arrived at the Bellefonte ER, Linda's older sister, Violet, and her husband, Gene, were already there with Papaw. The girls took turns back in the ER with their mother while the rest of us sat in the private waiting room. We were told early that the prognosis did not look good. Mamaw was no longer communicative and eventually the test results revealed that there was basically no brain activity. The news hit us all like a shot to the gut. We called our kids and they began to arrive at the hospital by daybreak.

Since there was really nothing else that could be done for her, and since Mamaw's living will stated her wishes that no extraordinary means be taken to prolong life, she was not placed on life support. Instead, she was admitted to a room where the family she loved could gather round her for her last hours on earth. I am thankful that Jay and Michelle had come home for Christmas and that they and Benji and Leigh Anne could be there with us to tell her they loved her as she slipped into the presence of Jesus.

Strange how everything can change in just moments.

Most of the preparations for Christmas had been wrapped up except for those last few Christmas Eve odds and ends and last minute details. Each of our homes were adorned with beautiful decorations, and scores of brightly wrapped packages were under the trees. A number of those gifts had Mamaw's name on them. Our various family units had their own plans for Christmas Eve "get togethers", but we had all planned to be at Mamaw and Papaw Bowling's house in about 32 hours for the annual Christmas dinner. There would be more than 30 happy laughing family members there. Suddenly everything had changed.

Instead of the usual celebration, Linda and Violet had to make funeral arrangements. Certainly not the way we had all planned to spend Christmas! The loss of a loved one is always traumatic. When that loss comes at Christmas it is even more difficult to deal with. I felt as deep of a sense of personal loss as I have ever experienced, but I can not begin to comprehend what Linda and Violet must have felt on that Christmas.

The next few days were a blur of activity. There were visitations on two consecutive evenings in two funeral homes, one hundred miles apart. One in Flatwoods, so all of their Greenup County friends and neighbors (along with friends of our families) could attend. The second was in Belfry, KY so all of the old Pike County friends and family could pay their respects. Mamaw's funeral was one of four that I officiated in the last two weeks of December that year. My scripture reading and message came from Proverbs 31 "A Portrait of a Godly Woman". I could think of no scripture that could have been more appropriate. Mamaw was laid to rest in a private family cemetery in a hollow between the beautiful mountains she loved so much.

Time moves on. Christmas rolls around each year and we all feel a little older. Linda still does lots of decorating and we enjoy looking at all the lights. But it's not quite the same since one of our most precious lights went out four years ago. It is, however, comforting to know she's spending her fourth Christmas with Jesus.

We'll see you soon, Mamaw.