Here's Your Sign

Here in the Tri-State area where Kentucky, Ohio, and West Virginia all come together we have many folks who reside in one state and work in another. Sometimes a couple may live in one state, but work in both of the others. I am a native of West Virginia and grew up in "Almost Heaven", but I have been a resident and homeowner of Kentucky since April 1980. Linda and I lived in Willow Wood, Ohio, back in 1973 when our first son was born - at a hospital in Huntington, WV. For the last five years, I have ministered at a church in West Virginia while living in Kentucky. I sleep in Ashland, yet spend most of my waking hours in West Virginia. Like folks who live in many border areas, we do have a bit of an identity crisis. The Tri-State area is not well known for many things, but we do seem to be able to lay claim to some of the world's dumbest criminals.

For the past few months I have felt that Ashland, Kentucky might be the home of the country's stupidest criminal. Folks all around the world were treated by CNN, Fox News, and other national media outlets, to the story of the rally weird antics of a guy dubbed "the Duct Tape Bandit". This character wrapped his head completely in the wonderfully versatile silver tape that has 1,000 (actually now 1,001) uses. He walked into a local liquor store, head wrapped mummy style in duct tape, and demanded all of the money in the cash drawer. The clerk handed it over (less than $200) and the bandit promptly exited the store. An employee, who was hosing down the lot, saw the strange character leaving the store in a rush and heard the clerk yell for help. He tackled the "Duct Tape Bandit", basically beat the living daylights out of him, and held him until the Police arrived on the scene.

The bandit was arrested, photographed, (head still fully wrapped in the duct tape) and the photo was flashed around the world on the 24 hour news networks. It was totally strange in the weirdness of it all! What was more unbelievable was that the guy (now unwrapped) and residing in the Boyd County Detention Center, willingly submitted to a television interview by a local TV station in which he denied the whole thing. Feel free to check out the interview at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F79iThUEWFg. What a dope!

Well, just a couple of weeks ago, another mental midget made the local news. Same city, at Ashland's Mid Town Shopping Center, just a few blocks from where the Duct Tape Bandit earned his spot in local stupid criminal lore. This guy walked into an ice cream shop brandishing a STAPLE GUN! (the kind you use to tack up ceiling tiles). He demanded all of the money in the cash register and left on foot with a hand full of dollars. Witnesses saw him cross the shopping center parking lot and enter the rear of a house located on an adjacent street. Ashland Police department had little trouble taking the Staple Gun robber into custody and transporting him to the local detention center.

I thought these guys were dumb, but this past week, a knucklehead in Huntington, WV took the honors for the Stupidest Criminal award. The local news reported that a fellow walked into the Budget Discount Pharmacy in my Mom and Dad's neighborhood and demanded that the cashier give him all the money in the cash drawer. He told the clerk that if she complied, "they won't have any problem." The man had a strolled out of the store and got into the unwitting get away car - a Taxi Cab which had dropped him off at the store, with orders to await his return! The cab took him to a house on St. Louis Avenue about three blocks from the pharmacy, where he was arrested in just a few minutes while lighting up a crack pipe.

With the wise cashier getting the Taxi's ID number, and after a quick call to the company dispatcher, it wasn't hard for the police to track the cab to the place the bandit had been delivered. Our friend, Karen Hale, was working behind the prescription counter in the pharmacy that day. Karen says that the cash drawer had been emptied about 30 minutes earlier and had gone in with the day's bank deposit. When the Taxi Bandit got the contents of the drawer it amounted to $70.00. Police confirmed that the bandit had owed the taxi driver $31.00 and paid the fare with the money he had taken from the Pharmacy.

Think of it. This guy pulls off one of the dumbest, most ill planned crimes one can imagine, showing the world what an absolute idiot he is. Move over "Duct Tape Bandit", this guy may have you beat. Now, he is lodged in the Western Regional Jail, held under $100,000 bond for an armed robbery that netted him the staggering sum of $39.00.

Who says, "Crime doesn't pay"?